The Best Originals Snark from 4.09 “Queen Death”

This episode was heartbreaking, and yet, I remained kinda indifferent to the “death.” Read why in my Thirteen Things We Learned here.

But, as always, there were some zingers, impassioned speeches, one-liners, and just all-together snark.  Here we go!

Elijah: You can’t expect to torment my family and survive.
Hollow Sofya: I survived far worse fates than your family.


Hayley: I guess apple turnover is fruit.
Klaus: I saw no harm in indulging our daughter’s sweet tooth. All things in moderation, of course.


Keelin: Still playing with toys, eh?
Freya: It is a protection spell for the compound.

Keelin: Can we pretend for, say, five seconds that you don’t have to worry about dying today?
Freya: I’m not going to die. Certainly not until well after breakfast.


Vincent: The only thing that I want is for you to slither back into the rot that you came from.

Hollow Sofya: You can hear me out . . . or die. The choice is yours.


Marcel: You can come on in, Klaus. To what do I owe this displeasure?
Klaus: Thought we had a truce.
Marcel: We do. If we didn’t, I might’ve responded differently when Davina asked me to sacrifice you.
Klaus: Does our truce extend to my brother, despite your extensive grievances?
Marcel: Well, yeah.


Vincent: That’s her. That’s the Hollow. She has Elijah and now she wants that bone.
Hayley: In exchange for Elijah?
Vincent: No, you don’t understand. There won’t be an exchange. She needs Elijah to die in order the channel the energy from his sacrifice. She has already poisoned him with the rose thorns. She wants this bone by sundown, if she doesn’t get it, she’s gonna come here, and she’s gonna take it. And when she does, she’s gonna burn this entire city to the ground.


Klaus: Freya informs me your mate Vincent has a plan. Just one, tiny problem. I don’t trust him.

Klaus: I have a plan of my own. We find this thing, and its acolytes, we slaughter the lot of them. And then we stack their bodies into a monument dedicated to those who would threaten my family.
Marcel: Right, right. There’s just one problem with that. One of those bodies would be Sofya, and I want her alive.
Klaus: Please, Marcel. Its not a time to be sentimental. This is New Orleans. Toss a few beads, you’ll find another girl.



Klaus: You’ll forgive me for stating the obvious, but your plan does nothing to save my brother, in fact, it relies entirely upon his death.
Marcel: Easy. He’s just trying to help.
Vincent: Klaus, Elijah’s already dead. Now, the only thing that we can do right now is, figure out whether or not that death is gonna count for somethin’.
Hayley: That is not a call any of us get to make. Especially not you.


Klaus: Don’t use my daughter to justify your absurd plan.
Marcel: Hey, his absurd plan is the only plan we got. So, maybe we should do a little less fighting and a little more thinking.
Freya: There’s always a loophole.


Elijah: Even if you finish this, my family will bury you.
Hollow Sofya: They will no doubt try. But, I believe the odds are in my favor.

Elijah: You are just another body for my brother to slay.
Hollow Sofya: You expect your brother to avenge you? Inspired, perhaps, by duty to the familial bond. I’ve been inside Klaus’s mind. You care for one another so deeply. Its quite ludicrous, this dedication to one’s own blood. After all, look where it got you. Perhaps now you understand, family is a curse.


Vincent: Elijah’s a thousand years old. How many lifetimes is gonna be enough? How much longer is he going to feed off the blood of innocent people who’s lives amount to a fraction of his own?
Freya: I get it. You hate us. But that doesn’t mean that Elijah has to die stopping some beast that crawled from the basement of your city.
Vincent: There’s no other choice! We don’t have any other option, Freya! You Mikealsons, you’re the oldest family in the whole world. You’re the oldest family of all time. You’ve seen empires rise. You’ve seen empires fall. You’ve seen ages begin and end. And yet somehow, despite every single thing you have seen with your own eyes, you fail . . . you fail to see the obvious. You don’t get the takeaway. Everything dies, Freya!
Freya: Not Elijah. Not today, okay? I already lost my brother Finn . . . * light bulb goes off * Of course! That’s it. I can save him. I can save him using this.


Freya: Elijah’s been poisoned for some time so . . . there’s a chance he won’t survive the process.
Klaus: But I would survive.
Freya: Klaus.
Klaus: If I’m the sacrifice, you could channel my death to imprison The Hollow before she kills Elijah. Yes, I’ll be in the pendant. The rest of you can find him, cure him, and bring him home.
Hayley: This is insane.
Klaus: That evil wench cannot be killed. Left unchecked, she will come for Hope. Sacrifice me, we can save Elijah and defeat this thing. Its the only way. We don’t have time to debate this. Work your magic, sister. It’s gonna be okay.


Keelin: If anyone can do this, its you.
Freya: What if you’re wrong?
Keelin: I’m never wrong, I’m a doctor.


Vincent: You think you got it. This thing stole Elijah’s blade which means not only is it wearing your girlfriend’s face, but its got the weapon that can kill you.


Freya: Klaus . . . it’s time.
Klaus: Your girlfriend seems nice, for what it’s worth.


Klaus: Well, go on, you’re silence is deafening. Say it.
Vincent: Say what exactly?
Klaus: That my impending execution pleases you. There’s no shame in taking pleasure in finally felling a long-standing foe. “The man who killed Klaus Mikaelson.” That will make a lovely epitath on your tombstone. May be engraved sooner than you think if things don’t go our way.
Vincent: The truth is, Klaus, I never thought I’d live to see this day. See, growing up in New Orleans, as kids we-we hear stories about the evil Klaus Mikaelson.
Klaus: Yes, yes, and now I’ll finally reap my just desserts.
Vincent: No. I was gonna say, here you are, finally living up to the potential that Cami saw in you. She would’ve been proud.


Hollow Sofya: And what deal did you come here to make, king of New Orleans?

*a bit later*

Marcel: Sounds like you’ve got big plans.


Klaus: Ok. Enough talk.


Freya: I’m curious, do you know how pathetic it is to sell your soul to the devil?


Klaus: This is not happening. For a thousand years, my brother and I have walked this earth. Countless times, death has come for us, and countless times, we’ve denied her. He’s not gone! He can’t be.


They had better find a way to bring Elijah back!


Just me. Obsessed with Joseph Morgan, Ian Somerhalder, and pretty much anything else with fangs


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